Have you ever tried having no conditions when you perform any kind of action in your life? If you have, you deserve a gold star. However, if you were to think about this question hard though, was there really no condition attached to your action at all? Not even deep inside of you where nobody can ever see but yourself?
Well, I have to say that giving someone anything without wanting a “reward” back, is a level that many would like to achieve. Sometimes we don’t even know that this is what we are looking for until we realize it much later in life.
Why no conditions you ask? Even a dog arguably could have a condition in the shape of food (that’s not true, dogs actually do love unconditionally). Not having any attachment to the outcome, or aparigraha in yoga philosophy terms, frees us up from the disappointment of an imaginary “reward” we are hoping to receive. It’s like a pat on the back. I did something good, so I should be getting something good back. Why? Why there should be a return of favor? It takes a pleasure away from the act of giving, from doing something for someone to make them feel good, or for offering help.
Our society is wired in a way that we always expect a reward. As a result, not only we miss the pleasure of choosing what we are going to gift but we also create great conditions for the disappointment that we are almost guaranteed to receive as a result.
Try this small exercise. Use your facial muscles and smile. Smile to a stranger, to your spouse, to your kids. Have this smile come from your heart so they can really feel the love you are sending their way. Do not expect a smile in return. If you do not smile often, you most likely will get a confused look in return, other times you might not get any reaction at all. Smile for the sake of smiling, and I’m sure your Dermatologist will agree that this is not harmful for your skin.
Another exercise to try is to compliment someone. Find something you like about a person, it could be anything at all. There is at least one thing or quality we can find about a person that we can compliment on. Do that honestly, do that for the sake of doing, there is no other reason for that. If there is an even slight hesitation and flattery, the person is going to feel it so don’t even bother until you are genuinely ready for it. This is how you are changing your brain and creating new reality for yourself. This is what we are here working on, correct?
One more exercise is to offer someone help. This is less costly than buying a gift and in reality, is appreciated more by the receiver. Help also doesn’t have to be physical, it could be a phone call, a time spent with someone, it could be just listening.
Implementing these habits into your new routine will cost you nothing except a struggle with your own brain. I wouldn’t even call it a struggle, it’s a challenge. Make it fun and enjoy watching yourself transform.
Article prepared by Katerina