Honesty is something we learn early in life. We learn that if we want to be a good person, we are not supposed to lie, steal or do anything that compromises our good standing as a human being. And that is one of the most basic truths we don’t need to question because it makes all the sense.

Have you ever thought about honesty with yourself, and more importantly honesty in an intimate relationship with your partner? I’m not talking about shopping habits and small little white lies that become a part of life although if you ask me, I think it’s so much easier to skip dishonesty all together.

I’m referring to the lying to your partner and more importantly to yourself about your intimate time together. Yes yes it’s that time when we can not voice our desires and preferences, even if our partner initiated a question. A lot of people find it difficult to open up and let their other half know what makes them fly. And that is where the biggest disservice to ourselves and our relationship starts.

The minute we start being dishonest we step on the path of presenting a certain image of ourselves to the world. We appear satisfied, we look like all our needs have been met while what we want is far away from the reality. Watch this particular moment though, this is when it becomes the reality you created for yourself. There is no one else to blame. You chose to stay silent and by that sent a signal to the world that everything is OK. That is the disservice to your partner as well. Unless he/she chose to be in a dishonest relationship I don’t think they will appreciate to be with a person who can’t even tell them what they like. Put yourself in their shoes. All along he/she is under the impression that everything is going great, that you are satisfied and content with being around them.

“…guess everyone is faking just because we are afraid to get over our own insecurities and use words to  explain how we really feel.”

Look what a mess we have a choice to create. Instead of getting a bit braver and saying what it is we want, we chose as easier route of not living one of the best emotions in the world.

Mind it, I’m not referring to ladies only, guys fake it too! So guess everyone is faking just because we are afraid to get over our own insecurities and use words to explain how we really feel.

Now that I hopefully stressed enough how important this honesty is, how do we change the current situation. And believe me, there is always a way to create a change.

Talk.

Simple as that.

First have an honest conversation with yourself about what it is you feel. Are you satisfied? Do you have any desires you would like to explore? Is there anything you don’t like and would like to discontinue doing? We might need more than one conversation to get to the bottom of our real feelings. And that’s ok. Take your time, this is one of the dialogues with yourself we shouldn’t be rushing through.

Second, have a conversation with your partner. Find time when you both feel comfortable and both have your attention on each other. I would suggest to have it over a glass of wine or a cup of tea or even better when you are doing something together like cooking dinner or hiking.

Watch your voice and body language. Every little detail is important. It’s important not to blame anyone but simply convey how you feel. Just like the conversation with yourself, this might be one of many conversations you are going to have so treat it as a journey and not a one time thing. After all, I said that you have a real chance to fix it, you just need to decide that you want to do it.

Article Prepared by – Katerina

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash